Voice inside my head
by A for Antechinus
Summary: Nikki had left it all behind her, well she thought she had. After today she wasn't so sure. UPDATED. This was going to be a oneshot, but I have decided to make it into a multi-chapter fic.
1. Chapter 1

_I was only a kid  
When I said goodbye to you  
Ten summers ago  
But it feels like yesterday  
Lost, scared and alone  
Nothing I could give to you  
I tried, I really did  
But I couldn't find another way_

And I want and I need  
Somehow to believe  
In the choice I made  
Am I better off this way  


Seeing her today again for the first time in ten years had shocked Nikki. She thought she had dealt with that part of her life, thought she had gotten over it, forgotten about it. She knew that at the time of the break up the reasons had been just. Nikki couldn't give her what she wanted.

Diane had wanted to be out in public. Nikki just couldn't do it. She had tried to accept her feelings fully, but she couldn't accept being in love with another female. So going out in public in the straight world had been too much. Even the gay pubs which she had tried had been almost too unbearable. So she had done what Diane had been about to do and broke up with her. It hurt her tremendously, but she considered that afterwards she could be normal, go back to being normal. It was for the best really, she couldn't have given Diane what she needed.

_  
I can hear the voice inside my head  
Saying you should be with me instead  
Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder  
What would it be like with you around_

Now Nikki was sitting in the car, at a park somewhere, she wasn't quite sure where. She had called Doug and told him that she had had a hard day at work and needed a few minutes to de-stress. He was fine with that, he didn't question they both needed to do it occasionally. But sitting in her car looking out at the park she saw two women walking past hand in hand, her mind drifted. What would have happened if she had have stayed, if they had just waited a bit longer until she was comfortable before they came out in public. Would she still be with Diane, would they be happy? She saw the two girls laugh, kiss and then walk off. Would that have been them, should it have been?  
_  
So I, I made my way  
Cold and roaming in the wild  
I'm forever changed  
By someone I never knew  
Now I've, I've got a place  
I've got a husband and a child  
But I'll never forget  
What I've given up in you  
_

She had told herself that what she was doing was right. For all those years, she told herself that she had done the right thing. She had Doug and they had the kids. It was all she wanted. True, before today she had been completely happy. She still was, but that face, it shook her, it made her question something that she didn't want to question.

_  
And I want, I need  
Somehow to believe  
In the choice I made  
Am I better off this way_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hi everyone. Well at first this was only going to be a oneshot, but due to some reviewers asking I have decided to continue the story, there will be this chapter, and prehaps another one or two chapters. I dedicate this chapter to couragedainme, Meg, Charmed Lassie, and Contentious infatuation, I hope that you all enjoy it. Cheers A_**

It had been three weeks since; Diane had turned up at Sun Hill, 3 long, torturous weeks. What made it even harder for Nikki , or easier she wasn't quite sure, was Diane's reaction. Diane hated her with a passion, she would speak to her but only if she had to. Although on saying this, they had not really seen each other a lot in those three weeks, as Nikki had taken 5 days off and they were not paired together at all. That was until this morning.

In the briefing that morning, Inspector Gold had been leading the briefing and had told Nikki that she was to work with Diane. Nikki must have looked faint, as Gina had asked if she was okay, after nodding, she walked out the door, and more by the feeling of Diane's presence rather than actually seeing her, she knew that Diane was behind her.

"I can drive' Nikki said to Diane as they moved to the car.

"Sarge" was all Diane said in reply, getting into the passenger seat.

Not a minute later across the radio came a call for a suspected burglary.

"Were a minute away, we can get that one, call it in P.C Noble" Nikki instructed whilst turning on the sirens and lights, and changing lanes, to get there faster. They arrived at the house to see the front door ajar.

Setting their weapons, Nikki told Diane to go around the back, as she waited a minute for her to get around, then she carefully pushed the door open a bit more and walked in. Nikki looked in the first room, which appeared to be a lounge room, but no one. As she came out of the room, she saw Diane coming up the hallway. Nikki lifted an eyebrow, but Diane shook her head. At that moment, there was a sound upstairs, both women ran up the stairs. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, they found 3 doors, Nikki opened the first one, whilst Diane opened the second one, with no one in them, and they crept towards the third door. They both looked towards the last door and slowly walked towards it, their weapons raised. Nikki slowly opened the door, only to find the window wide open.

"Shit"

"Come on Diane, they couldn't have gotten far, let's go. Nikki said running back down the stairs. A minute later they were turning down the next street, as they came into the street they saw a young ,man walking down the road looking around. When he saw the car, he started to run.

"I think that is our guy sarge"

"I think I would have to agree with you Diane."

At this Diane jumped out of the car, and left Nikki to follow in the car. Diane had almost caught up with the guy, when he turned around and showed a gun. Instantly Diane stopped.

"Okay mate, put the gun down now please"

"Don't come any closer"

"Okay, I won't just please put the gun down."

Nikki had pulled the car up, but as she made to get out of the car, the guy waved the gun towards her.

"Stay there, don't move."

"Look mate, please put the gun down, and it will be better for all of us." Diane asked moving forward another step forward.

"I said don't move" The guy yelled.

"Look mate, if you put the gun down now, you will be in a lot less trouble then if you shoot one of us."

Suddenly someone came out the front of the house they were standing in front of and startled the suspect, who turned with the gun towards the women. The women screamed, and the guy yelled at her. Diane ran forward and grappled the gun out of the gunman's hand.

By the time Nikki had reached the scene Diane had gotten the man on the ground, and the gun had been put out of reach of the guy. As Nikki bent down to help Diane arrest the guy, she gasped.

"Diane, your bleeding." Nikki said taking over the arrest, as Diane moved off.

After Nikki had put the prisoner in the car, she went over to Diane.

"Are you okay Diane? I think it's probly best if you go to the hospital to get checked out."

A few minutes later as Diane was being taken to hospital, Nikki went to the station and put their suspect into custody. Once this had been done Nikki went to the hospital and checked where Diane was. After getting to the right floor, she bit down butterflies and went to see what was wrong with Diane.

"Are you okay Diane?"

"Yeah, the bullet just scraped my arm, but the graze drew a bit of blood that's all. Are you going to yell at me now then?"

"Your in hospital, so I can't, and we need to be getting back to interview the guy, but after the interview I will need to talk to you."

So after the doctor, gave Diane the all clear, they both left the hospital and spent the next hour in an interview, where finally, the man gave his name and admitted to having broken in to the house"

"Well did you take anything?"

"I took a watch and a video camera"

"But you don't have it on you"

"No I threw it in the bush when I heard you guys pull up."

"What house exactly?" Nikki questioned Mark

After he had given them the description they closed the interview and went to find the stolen goods.

They drove past the house, and then turned into the next street, found the house that Mark had described, and sure enough the stolen items were right there.

After arriving back at the station, everything went according to plan, Mark was officially arrested for stealing, and was released on bail.

That evening as the rest of the relief were going home, Nikki was at her desk waiting for Diane to come and see her about the incident whilst trying to fight butterflies. This was not going to be about ten years ago, This was to be about the incident today, Diane was just any officer. Although a little voice kept ringing in the back of her head, telling her, that no, Diane was not just any other officer. Finally someone knocked on the door.

"Come in" Nikki answered, and in came Diane still in her uniform.

"Diane shut the door."

Once this had been done, Nikki spoke again.

"Okay tell me what happened today?"

"You were there, you saw it."

"Tell me your version of events."

10 minutes later when Diane finished speaking Nikki spoke.

"Diane look what you did was right, but please be careful, next you could get seriously injured or worse, and I don't want you hurt."

At this Diane made a voice and a noise.

"What" Nikki asked.

"You don't want me hurt?, yeah perhaps in a professional capacity, as it cuts down paperwork, but whatever you say, don't dare say you care for me?" At that, Diane walked out of the room.

Nikki looked after Diane, and closed her eyes reminding herself to breath. The fact was, she did care for Diane. More than she had cared to admit, until that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

The days slowly turned into weeks, which passed into a month, then two, and the animosity between Diane and she never faltered.

Yet, after three months, the small things that she had started to notice – for example the smell of Diane's hair, when she came in different clothes, the new pair of shoes, when Diane left the pub – wouldn't stay at the back of her mind as she had ordered them to. Yet she persisted, as she knew if she let herself deal with these signs there would be a lot of trouble ahead, trouble that she didn't want to go through.

She knew what these signs meant; it wasn't hard to figure out when your heart rate started to beat faster every time Diane walked into the room, or the fluster she felt when Diane was near. Yet she hadn't felt them since she had been with Diane. She was in love with Doug but when they were going out, Nikki just _knew_ that it was the right thing to do. She was happy, he made her laugh and he provided a good home.

These little signs had finally made their way to the forefront of her brain on her last day before she had five days off.

She had been out on patrol with Diane. A member of the public, a female, had come to ask them a question and was obviously flirting with Diane. Before Diane flirted back, her eyes flicked to Nikki for an instant, as if to say "See, I know you're looking!" She then promptly started to flirt back. That glimpse was as if Diane knew. Yet that was impossible, Nikki had never given off any kind of signal of her mixed emotions. She thought she had done her best at hiding her emotions, though somehow it seemed Diane knew.

The next two days were hard, she was just glad that Doug was at a training session that lasted a week, the boys at their mum's and the girls at their grandma's due to the school holidays.

Nikki sat in the chair her head full of confusion; how could she be falling in love with Diane? It just wasn't possible. She was in love with Doug. She had to stay with Doug; it would wreck the family if she broke it up for something she didn't think could even work. Yet there was a small voice telling her that she had never stopped loving Diane. The thoughts from when Nikki had been sitting in the car after Diane's first day. What would it have been like, if they had stayed together came floating back to her head.

Nikki shook her head and got up; she needed to go for a walk, clear her head. All this thinking inside the house was making her go insane. The cold air seemed to do her wonders, her brain emptied and she didn't think about anything, she just walked. When it started to snow, Nikki turned around and headed home. As she opened her garden gate the image in front of her startled her. Diane was there, knocking at the door.

"Diane?" She turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to come and see you."

"What about?"

"Can I come in?" Diane said, indicating the snow.

Nikki walked past her and opened the door, then went into the kitchen.

"Do you want a hot chocolate?"

"Thanks."

"Sit down in the lounge, I will be through in a minute."

Nikki made her brain tell her body to breath, and then make the cocoa. With trepidation, she made her way into the lounge.

"Here you are." she smiled, handing Diane a cup.

"Thanks."

"Is it busy at work?"

"Same old, same old."

After a few more minutes of silence, Nikki got the nerve to ask what was going around in her brain.

"Why are you here Diane, really here?"

Diane studied her for a minute then softly started to speak.

"Do you ever think of us, Nik?"

"You're the only person that has called me Nik."

"Do you?"

"I tried not to. I met Doug and we married, then there were the kids…"

"Does he know?"

"Know what?"

"About us?"

"No."

"He knows you're attracted to women though."

"I'm not attracted to women." Even Nikki could tell that she was lying.

"Then what was I Nik?"

"Diane," at this she stopped and looked into her cup of hot chocolate. Diane for once was quiet. "Diane," She started again. "I loved you, I truly did, but I couldn't make you happy, so I left you. Then when Doug came along, I was over you, and I fell for him. There was no need to tell him, I wasn't going to go and start shagging someone else. It would have been a bit of useless information. It wasn't needed; the extra stress of him knowing for no reason wasn't worth it."

"Do you ever think what could have been, if we had stayed together?" Diane asked bringing it back around to the original question that Nikki had attempted to avoid.

Nikki didn't answer.

"You do, don't you? I can tell, I've seen it in the last few months. You like me, don't you?"

"I'm married, Diane."

"Yeah, but that hasn't stopped you from falling for me, has it?" Diane confirmed.

"I can't have this conversation, Diane, and you know it."

Diane put the cup down and stood up. Nikki couldn't do anything but watch as Diane came slowly over, removed Nikki's cup and looked at her. She knew what was coming, but somehow she couldn't stop it. Diane's lips were on hers and she was kissing Diane back.

After a moment they broke apart, yet only for a second before Nikki captured Diane's lips again. A moment later, Nikki stood up, whilst moving her arms around Diane to hold her close.

Nikki woke up to an arm draped around her. Just then it hit her, Doug was away, then last night flooded back to her and she turned her head to see Diane lying next to her. Unfortunately, the feelings of remorse that she expected didn't flow through her. She was almost content, but then the reality of what had happened flooded back to her. She was married after all. At this moment Diane turned over and looked at her smiling.

"Morning Nik."

The old term of endearment was enough for Nikki to quickly get out of bed and, after getting dressed, she practically ran into the kitchen.

Diane entered a few moments later.

"Nikki"

"I think it's best that you go, Diane."

"Nikki, you can't tell me that after last night, you don't feel something."

"Diane, I can't have this conversation!"

"Can't or won't?"

"Oh for Christ's sake Diane,"

Nikki turned away from her; she knew that if she looked at Diane for much longer, it might all happen again. She had to ignore the voice that said it would be nice.

She heard Diane turn around and leave.

"See you at work, Nikki."

At that a fear flooded through her.

"You're not going to tell anyone are you?" She said, turning to the space where Diane had stood.

Diane came back through the door. "Nikki, I would never tell anyone, unless you wanted me to, and I somehow doubt that." With that, she turned again and walked out. Nikki looked out the window to the back garden until she hears the front door slam, a tear trickling down her face. She never thought that her life would be this complicated.


	4. Chapter 4

Two months had passed since that night, and Diane, true to her word, had not spoken of it. Nikki remembered the days after the event; she had walked up and down the house, feeling guilty one moment, then okay and normal the next. The night before her first shift, she had managed only a few precious hours of sleep, yet even then she had dreamed of Diane and their shared night. Nervously, she had entered Sun Hill the next day, but at the briefing Diane hadn't acted any differently to her, just the same as she had the last shift, or any other day for that matter. In the following weeks, Diane did not bring up that night and kept her promise — in fact, only talking to her when she had to — and the time had gone on, yet Nikki had fallen for her, more than before, Until now, when she realised that she was irrevocably and utterly in love with Diane Noble.

The thought caused mixed emotions for her. The thoughts of that night were pure joy, but then she would feel guilty (something she felt she should experience) as she had a husband and kids. She also knew that Diane would never be hers, yet a voice whispered in the back of her head that Diane could be, if she wanted. It had crossed her mind that she had never been out of love with Diane, but merely hidden her feelings when she had broken the relationship up.

The day had started badly. First Nikki's realisation as to the date, two months since she and Di had slept together – not that she was counting. Then there was the argument with the girls at breakfast about school notes being signed, which had made them late to school, and Nikki almost late to work. Once at work, she found that one of her P.C's had called in sick, which left her to be out on patrol where she was now, cruising the streets of Canley with P.C Taylor.

Suddenly, a call came over the radio. "There is a domestic occurring on the Larkmeade Estate, can anyone deal?"

Nikki looked at Leon and nodded.

"Sierra Oscar 87, show us dealing."

Leon turned the car around and, with the sirens blaring, they arrived at the scene two minutes later.

What had started as an argument looked a lot more serious once they got there.

"Backup required at the last address, it's turning into something more serious." Nikki said over the radio, her brain kicking into automatic.

Leon had started to go towards the group of men, one who looked like the shop owner against a group of youths. Nikki quickly followed.

"Okay what's going on here?" Leon yelled.

"He's a racist, a filthy racist!" one lad yelled to Leon.

"I am not! They come in and break up my store, I kick them out, and then they think it's racial."

The yelling continued.

"Can you all shut up?" Nikki yelled at the crowd, who stopped for a moment, where both sides of the story were given.

"Okay look, there's been a misunderstanding, why don't we all just go away and start fresh tomorrow, okay?" Nikki suggested at the group.

The group moved away, and the owner went back into the store just as another car was arriving. Nikki breathing a sigh of relief that it was over that quickly walked over to the patrol car and was about to tell them to go away, when there was a yell.

Quickly turning around, she saw the youths in the store. Understanding that not everything was okay, she ran her way towards the shop. Leon was quick on her tail.

When the other officers arrived, Nikki spoke to them all.

"Okay, we go in, arrest as many as we can, and get them to the station. Go!"

She ran in with the others, and was soon struggling with a man.

"I am arresting you for causing damage and public disturbance, you do not have to say anything, but what you do say will be used in evidence do you understand!" She yelled to the man that she had pushed up against the wall.

In reply there was a grunt then she pushed him towards the door into the arms of a waiting officer. She looked around and surveyed the scene, it was a mess. She saw the owner and walked up to him.

"Are you okay to clean this up?"

"It will be okay."

"Do you happen to have CCTV?"

"No, it broke a few months ago."

"Okay, when you can, come down to the station and make a statement, I am assuming that you want to press charges."

"I will close up, and come down straight away."

With that, Nikki sighed and walked out to Leon and the waiting car.

Nikki walked into the station and Smithy came up to her.

"Nikki, there's been a call of someone up on a roof with a kid, they asked for you personally."

"Me personally?"

"Yep, Larkmeade Estate. Diane can take you." he said indicating the officer on his right, whom she hadn't even noticed.

Nikki turned quickly to Leon, who had been listening.

"Sorry Leon, but I need to go. Will you work on this with the other officers?"

"Sarge."

"Right, lead the way P.C Noble", Nikki said with a slight smile in her voice.

"You're smiling Nikki, is this the right situation?"

"Let's just say, seeing you is turning into the best part of my day."

"Careful Nikki, it might sound like you care more than you do!" Diane cautioned.

Nikki was cut off by answering as they arrived at the situation.

Sgt Stone came up to them. "The person's name is Len and he has his daughter up on the roof with him. He is not allowed access to her, but that was broken this morning at 8am, on her way to school. The girl is called Lisa and she is twelve."

"Right, thanks Stone." The name puzzled her; she didn't remember the name, why was she wanted?

Nikki took a deep breath and headed up the stairs, walking towards a situation that no police officer ever wanted to be in. Diane followed, ready to take both down the building.

She could see the door to the roof, it was slightly ajar. Diane, at seeing this, grasped Nikki's shoulder and squeezed. "You can do this, Nik."

Nikki nodded and edged towards the door she pushed it open slightly more. Nikki saw the man, Len, and the daughter, who he was holding onto and they were sitting on the edge of the building.

Taking another deep breath, she spoke up. "Len, this is Sergeant Nikki Wright, can I come onto the roof?"

"Okay, but take off your radio."

Nikki took the radio off and threw it onto the roof, so Len could hear it clatter, then she slowly entered the roof.

Len must have heard her, as he started talking. "See what you have done to me Nikki, taking me away from my child? I was driven to this! I am going to jump, were both going to go over, and it's your fault! You're going to have this on you conscious for the rest of your life!"

"Len, please."

"You don't remember me do you?"

"I remember now." True, she did. That case, he had been abusing the wife, who had sought care. The courts had decided that he was unfit to look after his daughter. Yet Nikki knew that it wasn't the time to remind him of this part of the story. She needed to get the girl back on to the roof, then him.

"Len, please, we can talk about this, it can end a lot better than the way it's going. If you do any more you won't even be able to see your daughter."

"No, this will be better, we will forever be together, and that bitch that calls herself Lisa's mother will suffer like I have!"

At this the daughter let out a terrified scream.

"Len, Lisa's scared, she doesn't want to die, let her go please, then we can talk."

By this stage she had edged closer to the two, and she heard Lisa say something.

Nikki wasn't quite sure what the daughter had said, but suddenly Len turned around and let her go.

Diane was waiting at the door and the girl ran to her and they went down the stairs.

"Thank you Len."

"What are you going to do for me now?"

"Well if you come down now, we can talk and sort something out."

"Will Lisa be able to live with me?"

"I don't—"

Suddenly Len jumped. Nikki ran towards the ledge, but she was too late, he was gone, she looked over and saw him land on the ground. She could tell instantly that he was dead.

She crumpled and lay on the ground. She should get up, they would need her on the ground, but she suddenly found that she couldn't move. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't move. Yet no tears came, it was like she was in shock.

She wasn't sure how long she was up there for, but suddenly she could feel arms around her, and Diane was talking to her.

"Nikki, are you okay? Are you injured? Talk to me."

She managed to shake her head and mumble that she was okay, no injuries.

"Good, you had me worried. Come on, Stone's worrying."

Diane helped Nikki to her feet and helped her down the stairs, letting go of her just before they came out on the ground. Nikki instinctively looked to where Len had jumped, he was covered and the area was already cordoned off.

"Are you okay Nikki?" Stone asked walking quickly up to her.

"Yeah, I am just shaken."

"Well get back to the nick, and let the FME have a look at you. P.C Noble, make sure of that okay?"

"Sarge. Sarge, come on."

They were halfway to Sun Hill before Nikki spoke up. Diane had been running a quiet commentary.

"He's dead Diane, and I didn't stop it."

"Nik, there was nothing you could do, okay? Nothing, so don't dare blame yourself, okay."

"I know, it's just that someone is still dead."

"Okay move your head to the left, right. Now lift your right leg. Good." The FME said.

"You're good to go, but stay in the station, okay?"

"Okay, reports to write anyway." Nikki answered the FME.

An hour and a half later Nikki lent back into her chair, the reports sat printed on her desk. She had just finished reading through them. Sighing, she got out of her chair and went to the Inspectors' office.

"Inspector, here are the reports for today."

"Thanks Nikki, are you okay?" Weston asked concern evident in her voice.

"I'm fine, Ma'am."

"Okay, have a rest tonight Nikki, see you tomorrow." Inspector Weston knew when to let it go; Nikki would go and talk to Doug anyway.

Nikki walked back to her office, meeting most of the relief including the other sergeants heading off to the pub for a drink. She politely declined, a family night was needed she told them. She didn't have any particular place to go in mind, but her legs made the way back to the now empty sergeants' office. Once there, she loosened her neck tie and sat down. 5pm, she should be going home now. Doug would be expecting her, but something pulled at her to stay for a moment. She needed to think, to comprehend everything that had happened today.

Nikki was woken out of her revere by someone knocking on her door.

"Come in."

Nikki looked up to see Diane out of uniform in a pair of blue jeans and a deep purple v neck walk in the door, her hair was still up, but loosely.

"I just wanted to check that you're okay, Nik."

"You keep calling me Nik."

"Old habit, hard to beat, I suppose."

"Hmph"

Nikki wasn't quite sure what came over her, as suddenly butterflies appeared in her stomach, but she had taken the three steps to Diane, and had pulled her into a hug.

Diane was stiff at first, but then melded into the hug, holding Nikki tight, as if for dear life.

Nikki lent her head onto Diane's shoulder and just stayed there for what felt like hours, Silent tears rolling down her eyes and onto Diane's shoulder. Finally the tears stopped, and Nikki realized that somehow Diane just holding her, had helped her sort out everything. She knew that from this moment it was fine. She had accepted everything that had occurred today, and would go home and be okay. Diane had done what Doug used to do. Be that thing that would fix the world, help her get her mind straight, back to normal.

Slowly she leaned back so she was looking Diane in the face. Diane just stared back but didn't move; it was like she was frozen. Nikki moved her face closer to Diane's and then their lips were touching. Nikki kissed Diane, touching her lips softly Nikki felt Diane respond to the kiss, moving her lips against Nikki's.

The kiss quickly escalated in passion, the last two months coming out into that kiss. Nikki broke the kiss. She didn't want to, but her body's demand for breath had become apparent. She could hear Diane's heavy breathing, which matched her own, and this wasn't just due to a lack of air.

Nikki kissed Diane once again, pushing her up against the desk, leaning into each other, every inch of their bodies touching, but then she pulled away.

She had to go home. She didn't want to, no, she wanted to stay with Diane, but there was a responsibility that she had. Diane looked at her and understood, giving her a small smile. Then after one small kiss, Diane slipped out of the room. Nikki sighed in frustration and kicked the door, which only resulted in her hurting herself, whilst a tear slipped out of her eye. Why did life have to be so complicated? Why did she have to break it up with Diane so long ago? Why did she have to marry Doug? She quickly changed and was only a few minutes from home, when she saw her mobile buzz. It would be Doug asking where she was. Oh well, she would be home any minute.

As she entered the door, Doug met her.

"Where have you been? Its 5.45, I was worried."

"I had a suicide this afternoon; I needed to think for a little bit. Sorry I should have called, I just wasn't in the right mind space."

"That's okay, are you okay?" he asked, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm fine," Yet the hug wasn't as comfortable as the one Diane had given her.


	5. Chapter 5

Nikki woke with a start, her heart thumping. She rolled over and looked at the clock. 2.43am.

After allowing her breath to slow down a tad, she gently climbed out of bed, trying not to wake Doug, and padded her way down to the kitchen. With a glass of cool water in her hand she stared out of the window at the full moon.

Perhaps that's why she had kissed Diane the previous evening, the full moon; it was said to do strange things to people. Yet that little voice came in the back of her head telling her that was not the reason. She sighed irritably it all came back to the same old argument every time. She was in love with Diane, but she couldn't leave everything for her, she was married with kids after all. Life wasn't that simple, no matter how much she wanted it to be.

With this, she put the cup in the sink and went back up to bed, the same one she shared with Doug.

"Nikki? Nikki Briar?"

Nikki looked up from the shelf where she was trying to decide what flour to buy to see an old familiar face.

"Jessica?" she smiled, realizing who it was.

"I mustn't have seen you since you left at the end of fifth form."

"Yeah, it would have been that long. How are you?" Nikki asked

"Good, married with two kids. I'm just down here visiting a friend actually, I'm now calling Manchester home."

"Wow. I still around here, I'm a police officer now." Nikki offered, still slightly shocked to see someone that she hadn't seen in over 10 years.

"Are you still with what's her name...? Diane, Diane Noble, right?"

"Yeah Diane Noble, no we broke up in the sixth form."

"Oh that's a shame; you were such a great couple." Suddenly, Jessica looked at the time. "Oh my, is that the time? Sorry Nikki, I have to go, but we're holding a reunion in a few months, I am sure someone will get in touch with you."

"Yeah, see you later."

"I never knew you were in a relationship with a women Nikki; I would have thought that was something you could have told your husband."

Nikki's heart fell into the floor, it wasn't meant to come out like this. Actually, it wasn't meant to come out at all. She took a deep breath and turned around to face Doug.

However she was cut off, before she could say anything. "I think we've finished shopping," Doug continued.

All Nikki could do was nod. The whole trip home was silent, thoughts were flying through her brain. What was Doug thinking? Somehow she couldn't bring herself to ask him out loud.

After they had put the shopping away, Doug finally broke the silence. "You like women and you never cared to tell me?" The anger in his was voice evident.

"I don't like women."

"But you dated one?"

"That was before I met you; once we were together, there was no need to like anyone else of either sex, it was of no use telling you."

"I have been living a lie for the last 10 years Nikki; don't say you expect me to be happy about this!"

"There was no reason to tell you, I wasn't about to leave you as soon as I found someone else. I married you because I love you."

"This Diane Noble, you have a Diane Noble at Sun Hill, don't you?"

All Nikki could do was nod with a sinking feeling of knowing exactly where this was going.

"The one and only Diane Noble?" Doug replied to her nodding head.

"The one and only." Nikki whispered, her stomach churning at the thought of what the next question would be.

"Have you slept with her since she has been here?"

Whole body, she couldn't say anything.

"Look me in the eye Nikki and tell me that you haven't slept with her!" Doug's voice pleading, begging, wanting her to say that no she hadn't. Yet Nikki didn't look up; she couldn't.

"Get out, get out of this house now, you dyke!" Doug yelled, tears running down his face.

"The kids!"

"I will tell them that you have had to go see you mum or something. Just get out!"

Nikki ran up the stairs, and quickly put some of her clothes into a holdall – though through the tears she couldn't really see what she was putting in, and at that moment she didn't really care. It suddenly felt like her whole world was crumbling and she had nowhere to go. Meanwhile, Doug stood at the door looking on in disgust.

"You've got your stuff, now get out!"

Nikki fled down the stairs and out the door, what was she going to do now?

Nikki somehow made it to the park near her house and sat on the chair.

Before she had thought about it, her phone was dialling Diane.

"Hey Nik, what's up?"

Silence. Nikki couldn't speak, she couldn't get the words out, she was too choked.

"Where are you? I will come and pick you up." Diane's voice suddenly seemed urgent.

"I am in a park just near my house."

"Okay wait there, I will be there ASAP."

Ten minutes later, Diane was walking into the park and upon seeing Nikki hurried up to her and engulfed her into a tight hug.

After Diane had gotten Nikki back to her place and had placed a cup of tea in her hand, Nikki felt herself crack and the whole story came out.

Diane just nodded and after Nikki had finished the story, she came over, put the cup of tea onto the table and wrapped her arms around Nikki and just held her letting Nikki cry the last of her tears out of the body.

Finally Nikki felt the last of the tears dry up and her mind became clear, she looked up at Diane.

It was like she was seeing her for the first time all over again. Slowly she moved her lips up to Diane and she kissed her gently, putting her arms around Diane's head, to bring her closer.

After a moment Diane pulled back. "Nikki..."

"Diane, I want you." was all Nikki said before kissing Diane again, her hand trailing down her body.

Diane moved them both off the couch and Nikki followed her to the bedroom. Once there Nikki encompassed Diane in another kiss, her hand trailing under Diane's top to her bra, then after removing the top, her hand travelled to the top of Diane's pants and Diane groaned into the kiss.

This Nikki decided was right, this was what she wanted, at that she pushed Diane down gently onto the bed, Diane removing Nikki's top in the process. Nikki didn't think; she didn't want to; most importantly she didn't need to.


	6. Chapter 6

"I need more time to think." Doug's voice pleaded on the phone.

"Doug, you've had three days!"

"Fine, come on over just before 3, we will talk, the kids will get home at 3.30." He snapped, then the line went dead. Nikki felt her body calm just slightly.

Diane gave her a questioning look and she nodded.

"I am going to see him just before 3." Nikki said aloud as she put the mobile back into her pocket. A slight feeling of relief flooded through her body.

Diane hugged her reassuringly, yet it didn't quell any of the nerves in her stomach.

The last three days had been bittersweet for Nikki. Whilst she was with Diane, and wasn't lying about it, she didn't have a family. It hadn't hit her until the first morning, when she had woken up in bed with Diane and not Doug. Diane has been woken by Nikki crying uncontrollably and no matter how much she apologized, Di wouldn't take it.

She was still trying to get her head around how fast her world had been turned upside down. One moment she was married, the next… well, she wasn't quite sure. From that first morning, it had been everything you would have expected. Happiness, guilt, sadness, yet one particular thought kept coming back to her. Four days ago, she was considering stopping whatever she had with Diane. Yet here she was now, because her life hadn't worked out – how was that fair on Diane? She just tried to shake the thought out of her head.

Nikki pulled up at the curb and looked at her watch. 2.48 perfect timing. She swallowed trying to beat the butterflies down; this was stupid, having nerves, he was still her husband, and_ they were_ still married.

"Nikki." Doug answered when she knocked on the door.

Nikki followed him through into the hallway. Forcing herself to take one step, then another.

"Did you want a coffee or something?"

"A cup of tea would be nice." Nikki replied, walking into the lounge room.

A few minutes later, Doug entered carrying two cups and he set them down on the coffee table.

"How have the kids been?" Nikki asked. She could hear the desperation in her own voice.

"They've been okay; they think you're at your mum's."

"How are you?"

"Angry, upset, do you want me to go on Nikki?" Doug replied his voice ice cold.

"Doug, please."

"Nikki, don't beg and say you're sorry, I've already decided that I can't take you back. I am going to file for divorce." Nikki's heart stopped; her whole world stopped suddenly, it all felt like lead.

"I can't get past that you have lied to me for all these years, Nikki. I have tried honestly, but I just can't." Doug continued.

All Nikki could do was nod silently. Suddenly there was a yell from outside and the door opened.

"Mum!" Claire yelled, and ran to give her a huge hug; the other kids soon followed. A feeling of happiness washed over her, for a moment she forgot what was really happening, she was lost in that world. When they had all settled down, Doug spoke up.

"Girls, boys, we need to talk to you." Four sets of eyes were on Doug. Nikki couldn't look at him.

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

Stunned silence, that's was what it was; then suddenly everyone was talking.

"No, no mum!"

"Dad, not again please!"

"Why?" That was Jill her oldest daughter, always the logical and calm one, if she wasn't going to be a copper then it would be a waste.

Doug looked pointedly at Nikki. She took a deep breath and started to speak.

"Sometimes, love isn't enough to keep a marriage alive. Sometimes you fall in love with other people."

"I still love you all kids, but I can't live here okay, I really can't anymore." Nikki's voice fell away.

There was another agonizing five minutes, before Nikki made it to the door and into the car. Once there she turned the engine on, and drove; she didn't want to think. In a matter of minutes she was at Diane's place and ringing the door bell. The key was being cut today.

"Nik, how did it go?" Diane asked pulling her into a hug.

Suddenly all her feelings and thoughts got on top of her, she needed to get them out.

"Di, please, we need to talk."

"What's wrong?"

"Before Doug threw me out, I was going to leave you. I was going to stop whatever we had, and not continue. Yet Doug threw me out, and I came to you. It's not fair for you that I am here."

"Nik, I don't mind, honestly please."

"No I can't. I need time. Di, I need to sort out my life, I'm sorry." With that, she ran out the door, her heart breaking for every step that she took further from Diane for the second time in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

"So you want 4 days off, why" Asked inspector Smith

"I really need to see my son"

"Didn't you see him a few weeks ago?"

"He's been having a bit of trouble at school, his dad, thought a visit from me could help"

"I am only going to do this because you have never taken a day off before, see you on Friday" Smithy said, hoping that this time off would help Diane with whatever had been bothering her in the last week.

Diane indicated into the left lane and took the turn off, pulling into a small hotel ten minutes later.

"I'm Diane Noble, I have a booking"

"Ah yes miss Noble, you are in room 247" The man said handing her a key.

"Thank you" With that Diane pulled her hold it all along behind her and found her room. Opening the door, she put her baggage in the room, shut the door and went to lay on the bed. Finally in this foreign place she allowed those long held tears fall.

She cried for loved lost, not once, but twice now, how many time would she have her heart broken by Nikki Wright she wondered. The tears just kept on coming, there was no stopping them.

The four days had passed, with Diane laying low, lying in bed for most of the day, driving the rest and then returning to her hotel room at night to have an early dinner and go to bed. This doing nothing should have drove her insane, but it didn't, somehow it helped the grief that she felt at loosing that one love of her life again.

"I hoped you enjoyed your stay?"

"I did thank you" Diane said, turning around and walking out to the car. As she entered London, she took a breath, tomorrow at work; she would be P.C Diane Noble, back to her normal self. Nikki wouldn't get any special reaction; all her emotions were carefully hidden under wraps for now.

"See you next Monday mum" Her girls called as they ran into the school gates, Nikki's thoughts turned to the day ahead at work, hoping it was going to be okay.

The last 4 months had been hard, first the divorce, then the shock of Doug trying to gain full custody of the kids; due to Nikki being in a 'lesbian' relationship. When she had told the courts and shown them the proof that she wasn't, the custody had been split between them. Yet even all this wasn't as painful as seeing Diane at work every day. Still being in love with her, but not being able to talk to her. However it was something Nikki told herself, that she owed to Diane. She hadn't really been in love with her, these feelings now were just some weird combination of something, lust or similar, well that's what she told herself and it let her sleep at night.

"Sgt Wright, P.C'S Taylor and Noble, there are going to be a clash of opinions today. I want you three to deal with it. There is a local house where youth who are gay or lesbian and have been kicked out of home can go; there has been uproar with some local residents, who think that it is quite immoral. I want you to got here, and diffuse the situation". Smithy said at the end of the briefing, before they left.

The area car pulled up to the house, to see a number of people with signs already out the front.

"Okay Leon, Diane stay out the front, ensure there is nothing illegal going on okay, I am going to go inside and talk to who is in charge, keep me in the loop by radio"

"Sarge"

Nikki made her way through the milling crowd and knocked on the door.

"It's Sgt Nikki Wright here from Sun Hill Police, can I come in please"

The door was opened by a woman in her early 30's with a slim build and brown hair, who was wearing jeans and a purple top.

"My name is Nikki Wright, I'm a Sgt at Sun Hill"

"I'm Alex, I am the coordinator here, and the founder." She said leading Nikki up the hall

"Has anyone given you trouble before"

"The odd letter, the looks in the street, some yelling abuse, I don't care personally, but it's the kids I help, that I am worried about."

"So why today?" Nikki asked, looking around at the house, which looked just like any other, with shoes at the door, an odd jumper here and there.

"We've been here 3 months today, the local anti gay lobby group, were hoping to get us out by now, they haven't succeeded, so their staging a protest, until we leave. Hope they have some food and warm clothes, coz were not leaving." The lady smiled, looking as if that was the least of her worries. She had lead them into a kitchen and lounge area looking out the front. Nikki could see Diane and Leon through the window.

"Can you just excuse me for a moment, we have someone arriving."

Nikki looked out the window to see a young man of about 25 with a 17 year old girl. The protestors were yelling at them and a tomato went flying towards them. Nikki watched and smiled as Leon caught the tomato throwing offender and said something to her. Diane looked up and caught her eye then turned away.

Nikki heard voices in the hall

"Hi I'm Alex"

Nikki heard a murmur.

"Hi Sarah, nice to meet you, how about we go and get you changed, and I will put the top in the wash, that tomato shouldn't stain. Then we can have a Hot Chocolate."

Nikki heard footsteps come back into the kitchen and Lounge Area.

"Hello" a young black man said.

"Hi I am Sgt Nikki Wright, from Sun Hill, were here to help control the protestors."

"Andrew Walsh, I am a helper here. I was actually the first kid that Alex helped out a few years ago, and stayed ever since"

"You guys have moved around" Nikki thought out loud, more as a statement.

"The hate get's too much"

"So you guys provide a place for young people to stay"

"Yeah, a home and support for people who have been kicked out of home because they're not straight."

"How long do the kids stay?" Nikki asked wondering.

"Some stay for months, others only for a little bit, but they only go, when they are able to afford it. We had one stay with us for just over a year, as she came out just as she was entering her final year of A levels, she had to finish them. She's moved to Edinburgh to go to uni, has a girlfriend now as well, Doing quite well for herself". Andrew said quite proudly.

"Does this affect you at all?"

"Yeah, it hurts, what's wrong with loving someone. There is nothing wrong with that as long as it's consenting. I'm not as strong as Alex, so yeah I still get down when people are as verbal as this, I just hope Sarah is okay, but with Alex, she should be fine"

"Alex does seem to be the type of person that this doesn't affect"

"Alex has been through a lot of tough stuff, from the gay and straight community."

Nikki must have had a strange look on her face as he continued.

"She's Bi, some gay people don't agree, or like it, same as the straights."

"I can't see the problem like I said, Love is love, what's wrong with that" Andrew smiled.

At that moment Alex walked back in with Sarah who upon seeing Nikki looked terrified.

"Hi, I am Nikki, nothing's wrong, were just keeping the people out there at bay."

The girl nodded and sat down, accepting the cup of hot chocolate that was put into her hands a moment later by Alex.

Everyone was quiet for a moment, then Nikki's radio beeped.

"Excuse me for a moment" Nikki moved into the hallway.

"Go ahead Leon"

"Sarge, these people say they're going to be here until the apparent evil's go"

"Tell them they better have some food and warm clothes then" Nikki said smiling into the radio.

"Will do sarge"

"Leon"

"Yes Sarge"

Nikki stopped for a moment

"Just make sure you two are okay and safe at all times, no lip to either of you"

"Will do Sarge"

Nikki walked back into the living room and saw Andrew and Sarah get up.

"I'm just taking Sarah down to meet some other people who live here."

Nikki smiled warmly at Sarah and let them go out the door.

"Andrew was telling me that you were pretty strong, and have been through a bit, sounds like they have a fight on their hands" Nikki said nodding to the people out there, her eye catching Diane talking to someone.

"They are not kicking us out; we have had too many times before. It's only a small group of people that are trying to do this. The sad thing, is one of those mothers has a daughter here. Another mother has a son he will be here soon. They just can't accept it."

5 minutes later, a young girl came up and grabbed a muffin.

"Alex can't we just do something, we can't hide in here, were not wrong."

"Jess, this Sgt Wright"

"Sgt Wright, Jess"

"You know Jess that were not hiding, okay, were going to stay here no matter what. Let them get their anger out, and then we can move on.

"You know it's tearing Lelia up, seeing her mum out there"

I know, but I, we have tried to talk to her mum, she won't accept."

"Fine, I'm going to go back down and keep Lelia Company"

"Don't do anything stupid girls okay, we have it under control" She said to the girl stalking from the room.

"Sorry," Alex said

"No don't be, you have no reason to apologize, they are teenagers after all, I just wish I was as brave as you."

"Are you married?" Alex asked

"I was up until about 4 months ago"

"Sorry to hear that"

"it's for the better, my husband left me."

"It's nothing to do with me, but if you want to talk, well I will listen"

Nikki looked out the window to see Diane talking to a women, then looked back to find Alex staring at her. Here was one person, who well she might understand. Her instinct told her she could trust Alex, but she had never trusted someone before. It had always been her own feelings locked up in her head. Yet maybe it was time to share, to get the confusion out. Before she knew it, she had started to speak.

"Before I met my husband, I was with a woman, I never told him, and there was no need we had already broken up. She came back into my life, and well we" Nikki ended the sentence.

"Are you still with her?"

"A week before my husband found out, I was going to break it off with her, as I couldn't leave my husband for her. Staying with her isn't an option"

"Why?"

"Because I was going to leave her before my husband left, and she isn't second pickings"

"Do you still love her though?"

Nikki didn't answer. She didn't want to. She had done too much harm to want to acknowledge the truth.

"If you still love her now, then that isn't second pickings"

"Sarge, they have decided to call it a quit for the time being" came Diane's voice through the radio.

"Thank you Diane, I will be out shortly"

"They have decided to call it for the time being, if they come back, give us a call okay"

Alex looked out the window, just before Nikki left the room she spoke up.

"She is cute"

Nikki just kept walking, her brow screwed in thought.

"Sarge are you okay?" Diane asked as they got out of the car at the station.

"Fine Diane,"

Diane looked disbelieving, almost like she wanted to say something, yet at that moment, Diane got a call out, and had to run off, Nikki made her way back to her office.

It was 6pm, and Nikki shook her head in frustration, she was getting nowhere.

Alex's last question and comment "Are you still in love with her, and She is cute" ran around her head.

Those two sentences had run around her head for the last 5 hours and the only thing that Nikki knew was that yes she was in love with Diane, completely in love with her. Yet could she have a relationship with her? she had hurt her pretty badly over the last few months.

Nikki got up and walked towards the changing rooms, she would get changed and then go and see Diane. She opened the changing room door.

Or she would talk to her now.

"Diane"

"Nikki" The frostiness that had been there since that fateful night was still strong.

"Can we talk?"

"I thought you had said everything that you wanted to say to me, 4 months ago."

"I made a mistake, I was going to leave you, before Doug left me, and then he did I was with you, I didn't want you to be or to feel like I was only with you, because he left me. Yet I still love you even now, if you were second helpings, well I would have stopped these feelings a long time ago." Nikki said in a rush, taking a moment to catch her breath. In that moment Diane had reached her and kissed her.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is the final chapter, and before I finish this story, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed for me, it means a great deal. **

"Did you honestly think I would imagine you were only with me because Doug left you?" Diane asked Nikki in shock. Nikki had told her everything once they had gotten back to Nikki's place.

"Yeah."

"Silly Billy."

"Well, I kinda was." Nikki replied.

"Nik, I know you love me; you don't have to feel bad or think that I think you're only with me because of Doug. Even if you were, I wouldn't care. I have the love of my life and that's all I care about."

"Love of your life? Di careful, we only got back together tonight."

"I knew since I first dated you that you were the love of my life." Diane stated simply but seriously.

"But you were going to break up with me."

"When?" Confusion was evident on Diane's face.

"That day I broke up with you over ten years ago, you were going to tell me that it was over, that's why I did it in the first place."

"That day you broke my heart. I was about to tell you that I would be your secret and you walked out on me. I never had a chance to."

Nikki's face fell and tears were suddenly in her eyes. Diane kissed them away.

"Don't cry, okay, it happened. You've got kids that you love, and you have me, what else could you want?"

"It's can't be that simple."

"Why not?"

"Oh, just because life isn't usually that simple."

"Yeah it is."

Nikki kissed Diane and smiled, this time Diane was hers for keeps.

"Nikki, Leon has called in sick today, could you please work with P.C Noble?"

"Yes, Inspector."

"Nik, Sergeant Wright."

"P.C Noble, I am your partner for today." Nikki smiled at Diane.

Diane smiled back and walked towards an area car.

"Sierra Oscar 1, can anyone deal with a suspected burglary at number 5 parkway Sun Hill?"

"Sierra Oscar 40 show me and Sergeant Wright dealing." Diane replied jumping into the car and turning the engine on.

It took them only a minute to get to the address, the house looked locked up.

"Diane you stay here, I will go around the back. Don't go in until I give the message."

"Sarge."

Nikki tried to quickly make her way around the back, but there was a bin that was obstructing her way. By the time she moved it and got to the back door, she heard Diane shout out.

"Sarge, I need you in here now!"

Nikki opened the back door and found Diane holding a man down whilst a lady who was tied up in a chair whimpered.

"This is Sergeant Wright; I request an ambulance to our last address."

Nikki untied the women and talked to her until the ambulance arrived.

By the time they had arrived back at the station Banksy and Grace were already waiting at custody.

"We can take this over, thanks guys." Banksy told them. Nikki nodded.

"P.C Noble, my office now."

Diane shut the door and looked at Nikki.

"You directly ignored my orders, and went in. Who knows what could have happened to you. You could have been shot or worse Diane. I should inform the inspector." Nikki yelled, anger washing over her.

"I know what you had said, but I saw her tied to the chair and the man pointing a gun at her. I drew my asp and went in, I had to, I had to stop him shooting her."

"You don't know that he was going to shoot her, it could have been for scare tactics"

"Perhaps, but if he had, I could not have forgiven myself."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Then Inspector Smith walked in.

"What is going on here? I can hear you two yelling from the other end of the hall."

Nikki was about to speak up when Diane beat her to it.

"I ignored a request by Sergeant Wright to stay put, and went into a situation as I felt needed."

"Explain." Smithy said.

Nikki walked into the changing room and saw Diane putting on her runners.

"I think we need to talk."

"Can we go back to yours?"

The car trip was silent, both contemplating what had happened and what could happen.

"Diane, I love you." Nikki said once they had settled onto the couch. "But I think while we work together we need to pretend that we are not in a relationship, especially with our respective ranks. I can't play special, or not yell at you, okay?"

"So we leave work at work and home at home?" Diane questioned

"Yeah."

"Sounds like an awesome idea to me."

"Sarge, the reports that you wanted." Diane said to Nikki holding out some reports. Leon was with her.

"Thank you P.C Noble." Nikki took the reports whilst 'accidently' taking Diane's hand in her own, but only for a millisecond. She quickly flipped through them as they both walked out the door until Diane was almost gone.

"P.C Noble, just a moment please."

"Go on Leon, I will catch you up in the yard." Nikki heard her say.

"Yes, Sarge"

"Close the door."

Nikki smiled and quickly leant in and gave Diane a kiss.

"Are you coming over tonight?"

"Course, I wouldn't miss us celebrating three months together, would I?"

Nikki smiled.

"I didn't think so" she replied, happy that Diane had acknowledged the date.

"You better catch Leon up." Diane headed to the door.

"Oh and Diane, I love you"

Now it was Diane's turn to smile as Nikki watched her walk away.


End file.
